Tell funniest jokes ever heard

shashichief · 1st Moderator

RE: Tell funniest jokes ever heard

shashichief · 1st Moderator

TROUBLE AT THE LOCAL BAR

A guy goes into a bar and says, "Quick, gimme a beer before the trouble starts!" The barman looks around the sleepy bar, shrugs and hands the guy a bottle of beer.

The guy drinks it fast. "Quick! gimme another beer before the trouble starts!"
The barman looks at the guy oddly but hands another beer to the guy.

The guy drinks it fast. "Quick another beer before the trouble starts!"
The barman, with a frown on his face, hands the beer over reluctantly.

Again, the guy drinks it fast. "Quick another beer before the trouble starts!"

The barman replies, "Look pal, exactly what trouble are you talking about?"

"I haven't got any money!"

shashichief · 1st Moderator

THE PRAYER

A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks, but nothing happened.

Then he decided to write GOD a letter requesting the $100.
When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to GOD USA, they decided to send it to President Bush.

The President was so impressed, touched and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill.
President Bush thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.

The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank you note to GOD, which read:

Dear GOD,

Thank you very much for sending the money, however, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington D.C. and, as usual, those idiots deducted $95.00!

shashichief · 1st Moderator

> South Indian boy on his first day at school in
> USA..........
>
> It was the first day of school and a new student
> named Chandrashekhar
> Subrahmanyam entered the fourth grade.
>
> The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some
> American History. Who said
> "Give me Liberty, or give me Death"?
> She saw a sea of blank faces, except for
> Chandrashekhar, who had his hand
> up: "Patrick Henry, 1775" he said.
> "Very good!" Who said "Government of the People, by
> the People, for the
> People, shall not perish from the Earth?"
> Again, no response except from Chandrashekhar.
> "Abraham Lincoln, 1863" said Chandrashekhar.
> The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you
> should be ashamed.
> Chandrashekhar, who is new to our country, knows
> more about its history than you do."
> She heard a loud whisper: "F**k the Indians,"
> "Who said that?" she demanded.
> Chandrashekhar put his hand up. "General Custer,
> 1862."
> At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm
> gonna puke."
> The teacher glares around and asks "All right! Now,
> who said that?"
> Again, Chandrashekhar says, "George Bush to the
> Japanese Prime Minister,
> 1991."
> Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? S*ck
> this!"
> Chandrashekhar jumps out of his chair waving his
> hand
> and shouts to the teacher, "Bill Clinton, to Monica
> Lewinsky, 1997!"
> Now with almost a mob hysteria someone said "You
> little ****. If you say
> anything else, I'll kill you."
> Chandrashekhar frantically yells at the top of his
> voice, "Gary Condit to
> Chandra Levy, 2001."
> The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered
> around the teacher on the
> floor, someone said, "Oh ****, we're f**ked!"
> And Chandrashekhar said quietly, "George Bush,
> Iraq, 2005."

shashichief · 1st Moderator

Snow Parking

One winter morning while listening to the radio, Bob and his blonde wife hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 4-6 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through."

Bob's wife goes out and moves her car.

A week later, while they are eating breakfast, the radio
announcer says, "We are expecting 6-8 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through."

Bob's wife goes out and moves her car again.

The next week they are having breakfast again when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 8-10 inches of snow today. You must park..." then the electric power goes out.

Bob's wife is very upset, and with a worried look on her face she says, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the plow can get through?"

With the love and understanding in his voice like all men who are married to blondes exhibit, Bob says, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"

shashichief · 1st Moderator

Golfing With The Wife

A lovely afternoon finds one fellow and his wife golfing. They had a wonderful time and the man had a near perfect game. The final hole, by far the most difficult, wraps around an old barn. With a terrible slice the man puts the barn between his ball and the green. Knowing the strokes that it will take to get around the barn will destroy his score, he begins to rant and rave. His wife, hating to see him ruin on such a great afternoon, makes a suggestion.

"What if I were to hold open the barn doors? That way you could send it right through the barn onto the green."

He thinks this over and decides that it will work. With his wife holding open the barn door he lines up with the hole and gives the ball a terrific "whack"! The ball shoots through the air and right into the head of his wife, killing her instantly.

Months go by, the man mourning all the while. His friends, hating to see him in such a state, convince him to go golfing with them. They end up at the same course and on the final hole, oddly enough, another terrible slice puts the old barn between his ball and the green. Again he begins to rant and rave at what this dilemma will do to his score. His friend, wanting to please him, makes a suggestion.

"What if I were to hold open the barn doors? That way you could send it right through the barn onto the green."

"No," the man replies, "last time I did that I got a double bogie."