Tell funniest jokes ever heard

shashichief · 1st Moderator

RE: Tell funniest jokes ever heard

shashichief · 1st Moderator

ROSES FOR THE WIFE

Rufus bought his wife Lula-Bell 12 long-stemmed roses for her birthday. Lula-Bell gave him a big, close hug and a long, deep kiss.

Then she whispered in his ear, "I guess I'm just going to spend all night on my back with my legs in the air."

Rufus thought about it for a minute and then said, "You don't have to do that, honey. I bought you a vase to put the flowers in."

shashichief · 1st Moderator

A teacher said to her class:"Who was the first man?"George Washington," a little boy shouted promptly."How do you make out that George Washington was the first man?" asked the teacher, smiling indulgently."Because, " said the little boy, "he was first in war, first in peace, and first in the hearts of his countrymen."But at this point a larger boy held up his hand.
"Well," said the teacher to him, "who do you think was the first man?""I don't know
what his name was," said the larger boy, "but I know it wasn't George
Washington, ma'am, because the history book says George Washington married a
widow, so, of course, there must have been a man ahead of him."

shashichief · 1st Moderator

Mr Banta Singh is traveling from Moscow to Turban Pore [Capital of
Khalistan] by Kithe Pacific.
Seated besides him is Gary Kasparov. Gary asks him whether he would
like to
play chess to kill time.
Banta : 'Oye Gar®y. You think I don't know who U are?. I can't
compete
with a world champion'
Gary : 'How about if I play left handed ?'
Banta : [Think.. Think..] 'OK!'
Banta is demolished in 4 moves... and is very upset through-out the
rest of
the journey.
On landing he meets his friend Santa Singh.
Banta : Hey! I played Chess with Gary Kasparov & he defeated me inspite
of
him playing left handed.....
Santa : Oye ullu-de pathey!! He sure did fool you!! U know what!!
Gary IS LEFT-HANDED!!

shashichief · 1st Moderator

A BLONDE'S YEAR IN REVIEW

January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels.....Helllloooo!!!.....bottles won't fit in typewriter!!!

March - Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6
months.....box said "2-4 years!"

April - Trapped on escalator for hours.....power went out!!!

May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions....8 cups of water
won't fit into those little packets!!!

June - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope.

July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, the
other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!

August - Got locked out of my Jeep in rain storm.....car swamped
because
soft-top was open.

September - The capital of California is "C".....isn't it???

October - Hate M &M's.....they are so hard to peel.

November - Baked turkey for 4 and a half days - instructions said 1
hour per pound and I weigh 108!

December - Couldn't call 911....."duh".....there's no "eleven" button on
the stupid phone!!!

What a year!!

shashichief · 1st Moderator

Two sardars go camping and pack a cooler with sandwiches and beer.
After
three days of walking, they arrive at a great spot but realize they've
forgotten a bottle opener.
The first sardar turns to the second and says, "You've gotta go back
and get the opener or else we have no beer."

"No way," says the second. "By the time I get back, you will have
eaten
all the food."
"I promise I won't," says the sardar. "Just hurry!"

Nine full days pass and there's still no sign of the second sardar.
Exasperated and starving, the first sardar digs into the sandwiches.

Suddenly, the second sardar pops out from behind a rock and yells,
"THATS
IT!!! I knew it....now I'm not going!"