Tell funniest jokes ever heard

shashichief · 1st Moderator

RE: Tell funniest jokes ever heard

shashichief · 1st Moderator

Gabbar sends Kaalia and two others to Ramgad to collect the loot-maar
software he had ordered.

They reach Ramgad and start shouting: "Abe O thakur! Kahan hai wo
loot-maar software? Last date to kab ka nikal gaya".

Thakur [with anger]: "Chillao mat! jaakar Gabbar se kah do ki Thakur
Software walon ne paagal kutton ke liye software banana bund kar diya
hai."

Kaalia: "Bahoot garmi dikha rahe ho thakur? Koi naye programmers hire
kiye hain kya?"

Thakur: "Nazar uttha ke dekh, Kaalia, tere sar par powerbuilder chal raha hai."

Kaalia looks up and sees Viru (Dharmendra) working on a PC on one
Water tank and Jay (Amitabh) on another, using a laptop. Kaalia Starts
Laughing and says:
"Ha ha... thakur ne freshers ko liya hai ye log Programming karenge?

In ko to DOS commands bhi nahin aate."

Veeru shouts: "Chup-chaap chala ja kutte. Hum log consultants hain,
Kuch bhi kar sakte hain."

Jay hits some commands on his keyboard, then says: "jaao kaalia,
Gabbar se kahna ki uska server down ho gaya."

***** AT GABBAR'S DEN...******

Gabbar: "Kitne bugs the?"

Kaalia: "Do sarkaar."

Gabbar: "Wo do! Aur tum teen. Phir bhi fix nahi kar sake?

Kya soch keya aye ho? Gabbar bahoot khush hoga?

Naya assignment dega aur increment bhi? Iski saza milegi... barobar
milegi."[Snatches an X terminal from Sambaa]."Kitne sessions hain is
machine mein?"

Sambaa: "Chhey sarkaar."

Gabbar: "Session chhey aur programmer teen. Bahoot naainsaafi
hai.[logout - logout - logout]. Haan ab theek hai... ab tera kya hoga
Kaalia?"

Kaalia: "Sarkaar, maine aapka code likha tha."

Gabbar: "To ab documentation kar!"

RJ_Sonia · Administrator

Q: Why do boys go to temples?

A: Bcoz temple is the only place where u can find pooja, bhakti, bhawana, shradha, aarti, archna, aradhna, laxmi, sarswati, shanti, jyoti,..........

shashichief · 1st Moderator

First Airplane Ride

Three old black ladies were preparing for their first plane flight.

The first lady said, "I don't know bout y'all, but I'm gonna wear me some hot pink panties on dis flight."

"Why you gonna wear dat?" the other two asked.

The first replied, "Cause, if dat plane goes down and I'm out dere laying butt-up in a corn field, dey gonna find me first."

The second lady says, "Well, I'm gonna wear me some fluorescent orange panties."

"Why you gonna wear dat?" the others asked.

The second lady answered: "Cause if dat plane goes down and I'm floating butt-up in the ocean, dey can see me first."

The third old lady says, "Well, I'm not going to wear any panties at all."
"What, no panties?!" the others said in disbelief.

"Dat's right," says the third lady. "I'm not wearing any panties, cause if dat plane goes down, the first thing they always look for is a black box."

shashichief · 1st Moderator

WAITING ON THE IRS REFUND?

A man has spent many days crossing the desert without water. His camel dies of thirst. He's crawling through the sands, certain that he has breathed his last breath, when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him.

He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers what looks to be an old briefcase. He opens it and out pops a genie...

But this is no ordinary genie. He is wearing an IRS ID badge and a dull gray suit.

There's a calculator in his pocket. He has a pencil tucked behind one ear.

"Well kid," says the genie. "You know how it works. You have three wishes."

"I'm not falling for this." says the man. "I'm not going to trust an IRS agent."

"What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation and it looks like you're a goner anyway!"

The man thinks about this for a minute and decides that the genie is right.

"Okay, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plenty of food and drink."

***POOF*** The man finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen. And he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.

"Okay kid, what's your second wish?"

"My second wish is that I were rich beyond my wildest dreams."

***POOF*** The man finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems.

"Okay kid, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!"

After thinking for a few minutes, the man says: "I wish that no matter where I go,beautiful women will want and need me."

***POOF*** He is turned into a tampon.

The moral of the story?

If the IRS offers you anything, there's going to be a string attached.

shashichief · 1st Moderator

A DELIVERY

An old country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby.

It was so remote, there was no electricity in the house. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5-year-old child.

The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see while he helped the woman deliver the baby.

The child did so. The mother pushed and after a little while, the doctor lifted the newborn baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom. The doctor then asked the 5-year-old what he thought of the new baby. The child replied, "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place. Spank him again."