Tell funniest jokes ever heard

rostx · Guru's GURU

RE: Tell funniest jokes ever heard

shashichief · 1st Moderator

10 Humorous Definations!

WOMEN: Person who thinks more with their heart than with their head.

EXPERIENCE: What you will get while looking for something else.

ZOO: A place advice for animals to study the habits of human beings.

ADAM: The only man in the world who couldn't say,"Pardon me, haven't I seen you before?"

DENTIST: A person who extracts both your teeth and money.

BALD: When one has less hair to comb and more face to wash.

DEATH: Stop sinning suddenly.

NEIGHBOUR: A person who is out of something.

SMILE: A small curve that solve big problems.

KITCHEN: Final laboratory of housewife.

shashichief · 1st Moderator

FIRST DAY COFFEE.

Freddie was eighteen years old,friendly,and eager to do things right.Unfortunately,he wasn't especially bright.He had just started his first job,as a delivery boy and general go-fer at a furniture warehouse.His first task was to go out for coffee.

He walked into a nearby coffee shop carrying a large thermos.When the counterman finally noticed him,he held up the thermos.

"Is this big enough to hold six cups of coffee?" he said.

The counterman looked at the thermos,hesitated for a few seconds,then finally said, "Yeah.It looks like about six cups to me."

"Good," Freddie said."Give me two regular,two black,and two decaf."

rostx · Guru's GURU

"I'm going to need a urine sample" said the doctor to the old man.
"EH??" replied the old man.
The old man's wife yelled into his ear, "THE DOCTOR SAYS HE'S GOING TO NEED A URINE SAMPLE FROM YOU!!!"
"oh" said the deaf old man. The doctor continued, "And I'm going to need a small blood sample."
"EH?" says the old man.
His wife yells straigtt into his ear "HE SAID HE'S GOING TO NEED A BLOOD SAMPLE!!"
"oh" he says.
The doctor says "And I'm also going to need a stool sample."
"Eh...?"
The old wife shouts in his ear: "HE WANTS A PAIR OF YOUR UNDERWEAR!"

shashichief · 1st Moderator

The old Cherokee chief sat in his hut on the reservation, smoking the ceremonial pipe, eyeing the U.S. government officials sent to interview him.

"Chief Two Eagles," one official began, "you have observed the white man for 90 years. You have observed his wars and his material wealth. You have seen his progress and the damage he has done."

The Chief nodded that it was so.

The official continued, "Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?"

The Chief stared at the government officials for over a minute, and then calmly replied, "When white man found the land Indians were running, no taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver. Women did all the work, medicine man free. Indian man spend all day hunting and fishing, all night making love to the women."

The Chief leaned back and smiled, "White man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that?"

shashichief · 1st Moderator

Jack had an awful day fishing on the lake, sitting in the blazing sun all day without catching a single one. On his way home, he stopped at the supermarket and ordered four catfish.

He told the fish salesman, "Pick four large ones out and throw them at me, will you?"

"Why do you want me to throw them at you?"

"Because I want to tell my wife that I caught them."

"Okay, but I suggest that you take the catfish."

"But why?"

"Because your wife came in earlier today and said that when you came by, I should tell you to take catfish. She prefers that for supper tonight."