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Post Info TOPIC: Tell funniest jokes ever heard


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RE: Tell funniest jokes ever heard


A plane is on its way to Houston, when a  blonde in economy class gets
up,
and moves to the first class section and sits  down.
The flight attendant watches her do this,  and asks to see her ticket.
She then tells the blonde that she paid  for economy class and that she
will have to sit in the back.
The blonde replies, "I'm blond, I'm  beautiful, I'm going to Houston
and
I'm staying right here."
The flight attendant goes into the cockpit  and tells the pilot and the
co-pilot that there is a blonde bimbo sitting in  first class that
belongs
in economy and won't move back to her seat.
The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and  tries to explain that because
she
only paid for economy she will have to leave  and return to her seat.
The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm  beautiful, I'm going to Houston
and
I'm staying right here." The co-pilot tells  the pilot that he probably
should have the police waiting when they land to  arrest this blonde
woman
who won't listen to reason.
The pilot says, "You say she is a blonde?  I'll handle this. I'm
married to
a blonde. I speak blonde."
He goes back to the blonde and whispers in  her ear, and she says, "Oh,
I'm
sorry." and she gets up and goes back to her  seat in economy.
The flight attendant and co-pilot are  amazed and asked him what he
said to
make her move without any fuss.
I told her, "First class isn't going to  Houston".

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New collection of Sardar's Joke


A sardar invested 2 Lakhs in a business and Suffered
huge Loss. Do u know what the business was? He opened
a Saloon in Punjab!

A sardarji photographer is focusing a dead body's face
in a funeral function, suddenly all dead persons
relatives beat him. why? He said "SMILE PLEASE"

Sardarji gets ready, wears tie, coat, goes out, climbs
tree, and sits on the branch regularly. A man asks why
he does this. Sardarji: "I've been promoted as branch
manager."

Why is a Sardarji standing below a tube light with a
open mouth.... Because his doctor advised him "Today's
dinner should be light"

One sardarji professor asked a plumber to come to his
college. U know Why? Because he wanted to check where
the question paper is leaking...

Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant: It's already raining. Sardar: So what take an
umbrella and go.

Sardar found the answer to the most difficult question
ever - What will come first, Chicken or egg? O Yaar,
whatever u order first will come first.
A teacher told all students in a class to write an
essay on a cricket match. All were busy writing except
one Sardarji. He wrote "DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH!"

Postman: - I Have To Come 5 Miles to Deliver U This
Packet        Sardar: - Why did u come so far. Instead u
could have posted it....

A Sardar & his wife filed an application for Divorce.
Judge asked: How'll U divide, U"VE 3 children? Sardar
replied: Ok! We'll apply NEXT YEAR

Sardar's wish: when i die, i wana die like my grandpa
who died peacefully in his sleep not screaming like
all d passengers in d bus he was driving..

A Teacher lecturing on population - In India after
every 10 sec a woman gives birth to a kid. A Sardar
stands up- We must find & stop her!.

A man asked sardarji, why Manmohan singh goes walking
at evening not in the morning. Sardarji replied ''Arey
bhai Manmohan is PM not AM''.

Sardar visits Chinese friend dying in hospital. The
Chinese friend just says "CHIN YU YAN" and dies.
Sardarji goes 2 china 2 find meaning of friends last
words. It is 'U R STANDING ON the OXGN TUBE!"

Sardarji was standing in front of the mirror with his
eyes closed. His wife asked what you are doing. He
said-I am seeing how I look while sleeping.

Why did Sardar cut the sides of the capsule before
taking it? Guess what...---To avoid side effect!!!


Man: Sardarji where were u born? Sardarji: Punjab.
Man: Which part? Sardar: Oye part part kya kar raha
hai, whole body is born in Punjab".


IN COURT during a case: Lawyer to Sardar: Gita pe
haath rakhkar kaho ke ..... Sardar: yeh kya, Sita pe
haath lagaya to court me bulaiya. ab kehte ho gita pe
haath rakho.....

Sardar: For the past one week a girl is disturbing me.
I don't know how she got my no, She interrupts
whenever I call someone and says "please recharge your
card"

A person went into the office kitchen one morning and
found Mrs Sardar painting the walls. She was wearing a
new fur coat and a nice denim jacket. Thinking this
was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing
them rather than old clothes or an overall. She showed
him the instructions on the tin, "For best results put
on two coats"


A sardar was drawing money from ATM, The sardar behind
him in the line said, "Ha! Ha! Haaa! I've seen ur
password. Its 4 asterisks (****). The first sardar
replies, Ha! Ha! Haaa! U r wrong, Its 1258.


Q:) How do u recognize a sardar in school or
college???
A:) They are the ones who erase their notebooks when
the teacher erases the blackboard... BOLO tarara!!
Q:) Why did the sardarji sleep with a scale? A:)
Because he wanted to measure how much he has
slept........

Santa Singh MBBS. After finishing his MBBS, Dr. Santa
Singh starts his own practice. He checked his first
patient's Eyes, then the Tongue, and finally the Ears
using a torch. Finally he said Battery is Ok !!!


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  1. What is Common between: Krishna, Ram, Gandhi ji & Jesus..?
Sardar ji Replied: All are born on Government Holidays.

2. Teacher to a Sardar: A=B, B=C, So A=C, Give me an example,
Sardar: I Love You, You Love Your Daughter, So I Love your
daughter.


3. Ek aadmi ki Biwi gum ho gayi, Woh RAM ke Mandir me gaya,
Ram ne kaha
Baju wale Hanuman Ke Mandir mai ja, Meri bhi usi ne dhundhi thi.


4. A Kid asks the Priest: Father what is your Favorite Pastime...?
The Priest pats the kids head & replies : NUN My Child NUN....!!


5. Sardar bought a new mobile. He called everyone from his Phone
Book & said "My Mobile No. has changed Earlier it was Nokia 3310
Now it is 6610"


7. Chinti aur Hathi ka Prem Vivah hua. Agle Din Hathi ki Maut ho
gai...!! Chinti Boli Wah Mohabbat, EK din ka pyar hua, ab sari
umra kabra khodnemai bitegi..!!


8. Santa Banta KO 3 live bomb mile, Police KO dene chale, Santa agar
koi bomb raste mai Phat jaye to..?
Banta : Jhooth bol denge 2 hi mile the...!!!


9. Sardar falls in Love with Nurse. He writes a Love letter to her, "
I LOVE U SISTER."



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Once upon a time...


There was a rich King who had 4 wives.  



 



 



 



 



He loved the 4th wife the most and adorned her with rich robes and treated her to the finest of delicacies. He gave her nothing but the best.



He also loved the 3rd wife very much and was always showing her off to neighboring kingdoms. However, he feared that one day
she would leave him for another.



He also loved his 2nd wife. She was his confidante and was always kind, considerate and patient with him. Whenever the King faced a problem, he could confide in her to help him get through the difficult times.



The King's 1st wife was a very loyal partner and had made great contributions in maintaining his wealth and kingdom. However, he did not love the first wife and although she loved him deeply, he hardly took notice of her.



One day, the King fell ill and he knew his time was short.



 He thought of his luxurious life and pondered, "I now have 4 wives with me, but when I die, I'll be all alone.


 Thus, he asked the 4th wife, "I have loved you the most, endowed you with the finest clothing and showered great care over you. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?"



"No way!" replied the 4th wife and she walked away without another word.



Her answer cut like a sharp knife right into his heart.



The sad King then asked the 3rd wife, "I have loved you all my life. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?"



 "No!" replied the 3rd wife. "Life is too good!
When you die, I'm going to remarry!"



His heart sank and turned cold.



He then asked the 2nd wife, "I have always turned to you for help and you've always been there for me.  When I die, will you follow me
and keep me company?"



 "I'm sorry, I can't help you out this time!" replied the 2nd wife. "At the very most, I can only send you to your grave."



Her answer came like a bolt of thunder and the King was devastated.



Then a voice called out:


"I'll leave with you and follow you no matter where you go." The King looked up and there was his first wife. She was so skinny,
she suffered from malnutrition.


Greatly grieved, the King said, "I should have taken much better care of you when I had the chance!"



In Truth, we all have 4 wives in our lives ...


Our 4th wife is our body. No matter how much time and effort we lavish in making it look good, it'll leave us when we die.



Our 3rd wife is our possessions, status and wealth.
When we die, it will all go to others.



Our 2nd wife is our family and friends. No matter how much they have been there for us, the furthest they can stay by us is up to the grave.



And our 1st wife is our Soul,



often neglected in pursuit of wealth, power and pleasures of the ego.
However, our Soul is the only thing that will follow us wherever we go.



So cultivate, strengthen and cherish it now!
It is your greatest gift to offer the world.

Let it Shine!



-- Edited by RJ_Sonia at 15:45, 2006-01-05

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DON'T MESS WITH OLD LADIES


An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...

Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Older Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

O! lder Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Older Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Older Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Older woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Older Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open th! e trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, reveali ng nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.

The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.


-- Edited by RJ_Sonia at 15:46, 2006-01-05

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What Happened to the wooden car with wooden wheels with a wooden engine?


It wooden go!


   (Wouldn't)



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