Tell funniest jokes ever heard

shashichief · 1st Moderator

RE: Tell funniest jokes ever heard

shashichief · 1st Moderator

An American, an Italian and a Surd were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building...

They were eating lunch and the American said, "Corned beef and cabbage!

If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I'm going to jump off this building."

The Italian opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Pasta again! If I get pasta one more time I'm going to jump off, too." The surd opened his lunch and said, "Paratha and dhal again. If I get paratha and dhal one more time I'm jumping too."

Next day - The American opens his lunch box, sees corned beef and cabbage and jumps to his death. The Italian opens his lunch, sees pasta and jumps too. The Surd opens his lunch, sees paratha and dhal and jumps to his death also...

At the funeral.....
The American's wife is weeping...She says, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!

The Italian's wife also weeps and says " I could have given him pizza or lasagna! I didn't realize he hated pasta so much."

Everyone turned and stared at the Surd's wife... "Hey, don't look at me," she said, "He makes his own lunch!"

shashichief · 1st Moderator

Sardar's Cancer
Santa Singh went to his doctor after a long illness. The doctor,
after a lengthy examination, sighed and looked Santa Singh in the eye
and said, "I've some bad news for you... you have cancer and it can't
be cured. I'd give you two weeks to a month." Santa Singh, shocked
and saddened by the news, but of solid character, managed to compose
himself and walk from the doctor's office into the waiting room. There
he saw his son who had been waiting. Santa Singh said, "Puttar, we
Surds celebrate when things are good and celebrate when things don't
go so well. In this case, things aren't so well. I have cancer and
I've been given a short time to live. Let's head for the pub and have
a few pints." After three or four pints, the two were feeling a little
less somber. There were some laughs and more beers. They were
eventually approached by some of Santa Singh's old friends who asked
what the two were celebrating.

Santa Singh told them that the Surds celebrate the good and the bad.
He went on to tell them that they were drinking to his impending end.
He told his friends "I've only got few weeks to live as I have been
diagnosed with AIDS." The friends gave Santa Singh their condolences
and they had a couple more beers.

After his friends left, Santa Singh's son leaned over and
whispered his confusion, "Dad, I thought you said that you were
dying from cancer? You just told your friends that you were dying from AIDS!"
Santa Singh said, " I am dying from cancer, puttar. I just don't want
any of them around your mother after I'm gone."

shashichief · 1st Moderator

Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met.

After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding.
Their life together was, of course, perfect.

One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. They stopped to help. There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. The perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident.

Only one of them survived the accident.

Question: Who was the survivor?

Scroll down for the answer. Trust me, it's worth it.
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Answer:

The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man.

**** Women you can stop reading here, that is the end of the joke.

**** Men keep scrolling.

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So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the woman must
have been driving. This explains why there was a car accident.

**** Women, if you have read this too... stop reading here, this is REALLY the end of the joke.

**** Men Keep scrolling

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By the way, if you're a woman and you're still reading, this
illustrates another point:

WOMEN NEVER LISTEN!!!

shashichief · 1st Moderator

Why Men Lie

One day a woodcutter was cutting a branch when his axe slipped and fell into the river below. He fell on his knees and prayed and the Lord appeared.

"Why are you crying?", the Lord asked. The woodcutter replied that his axe had fallen into water.

The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe. "Is this your axe?", he asked.

"No", The woodcutter replied.

The Lord went down again and came up with a silver axe. "Is this your axe?"

"No", he replied again. The Lord went down a third time and came up with an iron axe.

"Is this your axe?", the Lord asked.

"Yes!", he said.

The Lord was so pleased with the man's honesty that he gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happily.

Some days later while he was walking with his wife along the riverbank, she slipped and fell into the river. He dropped onto his knees and the Lord duly appeared again.

"Why are you crying?", the Lord asked.

"Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!"

The Lord went down into the water and came up with Jennifer Lopez.

"Is this your wife?" the Lord asked.

"Yes!" cried the woodcutter.

The Lord was furious. "You cheat! That is a lie!"

The woodcutter replied, "Pardon me, Almighty! But there's a reason for my lie."

You see, if I had said "No" to Jennifer Lopez, you would come up with Catherine Zeta-Jones and then my wife. I would say "Yes" when my wife came up and you would leave all three with me. But Lord, I'm a poor man, and I wouldn't be able to take care of all three wives!That's why I said "Yes" the first time."

shashichief · 1st Moderator

Sardar Dhakaan Singh is big hunter.

Once he went to a zoo. At that time big tiger escaped
from its cage. The zoo

officials sent everyone out of the zoo and closed the
main gate. Now the tiger is

inside the zoo but wandering freely. Zoo people
requested Sardar to go inside and

trap the tiger in a cage. Scared but to avoid insult
he went into the zoo in

his jeep carrying a big gun. While driving on one of
the zoo's roads, he

noticed that the tiger is chasing him. Feeling scared
he drove the jeep fast but only to observe that the
tiger is very near to the jeep.

At that time the road separated into two paths ahead,
one to the left and other to the right.

Then cleverly, Dhakaan Singh put the left indicator
on and turned the jeep to the road on right.

The tiger runs into the left path.

With a sigh of relief, he drove forward.

After some time the roads meet and the same

situation arises again. Once more the road divides
into two and this

time our Sardar is smart enough to put the right
indicator on and

turned to left. This time the tiger goes into the road
on right side.

After some time the roads meet again to our

Sardar's misfortune and the tiger starts to chase him
again.

This time the road never divides and our Sardar
thought

the tiger would catch him.

Then a brilliant idea struck his mind. He slows down
his jeep

taking it to the left corner of the road. Then he held

his hand outside and a gives signal which is given
for vehicles

which want to overtake.

The tiger this time overtakes his jeep and

runs forward and dissappears!

NOW TELL ME WHAT IS THE MORAL OF THE STORY??

ANSWER BELOW............

Scroll down...

MORAL: "There are Sardar Communities in Tigers too"