Tell funniest jokes ever heard

Pinky · Senior Member

RE: Tell funniest jokes ever heard

shashichief · 1st Moderator

A definite laugh out loud!

Cities of India - How to Identify cities in India

Scenario 1
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, then a fourth
and They start arguing about who's right.

You are in Kolkata

Scenario 2
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, sees them
and walks on.

That's Mumbai

Scenario 3
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along & tries to
make peace. The first two get together & beat him up.

That's Delhi

Scenario 4
Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch. A guy comes
along and quietly opens a chai-stall.

That's Ahmedabad.

Scenario 5
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes he writes a software
Program to
stop the fight.
But the fight doesn't stop b'cos of a bug in the program.

That's Bangalore

Scenario 6
Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch. A guy comes
along and quietly says that "AMMA" doesn't like all this nonsense.
Peace comes in.

That's Chennai.

Scenario 7
Two guys are fighting. Third guy comes along with a carton of beer.
All sit together drinking beer and abusing each other and all go
home being friends.

You are in Goa

Scenario 8
Two guys are fighting. Both of them take time out and call
their Friends on mobile. Now 50 guys are fighting.

You are DEFINITELY IN Amritsar

shashichief · 1st Moderator

Toughest Golf Shot

A golfer stood over his tee shot for what seemed like an eternity. He was looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, and trying to figure out the wind direction and speed. In short, he was driving his partner nuts.

Finally, his exasperated partner said, "What's taking so long? Hit the blasted ball already!"

The guy answered, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot."

"Forget it man, you'll never hit her from here!"

shashichief · 1st Moderator

Boots That Fit

A lady goes into a bar and sees a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table. He has the biggest feet she's ever seen. The woman asks the cowboy if what they say about men with big feet is true.

The cowboy replies, "Sure is, why don't you come back to my place and let me prove it?"

The woman figures "why not," and spends the night with him. The next day, she hands the cowboy a $100 bill.

Blushing, he says, "I'm flattered, nobody has ever paid me for my prowess before."

The woman replies, "Well, don't be. Take this money and go buy yourself some boots that fit!"

shashichief · 1st Moderator

Avid Golfer

A business executive and his wife were to host an extravagant dinner party at their home on Saturday evening.

On Saturday morning, the husband asked his wife if he could go play a round of golf. She explained that she needed his help in getting ready for the dinner party that evening. He promised that he would only play nine holes and be home by 1 p.m. to help her with the arrangements. She agreed.

After playing the nine holes, he showered in the clubhouse and headed home. On the clubhouse parking lot, he encountered Miss Jones, his company's best client. She had a flat tire, so he offered to change it for her and she accepted.

After changing the tire, she insisted that he come to her home and clean up before going home, since she lived near by. As valiantly as he tried to avoid this, she insisted that he go home with her to clean up. Upon arriving at her home, she gave him a towel and showed him where the shower was. While he was in the shower, she "slipped" into something more comfortable, put on the mood music and poured drinks. She met him when he came out of the shower and he was taken by surprise, to say the least. Well, one thing led to another and they made mad, passionate love.

When he got home, he had to face his wife. Not wanting to lie to her as to why he got home so late, he told her the truth and explained the whole situation to her. With that, his wife looked him in the eye and said, "I know you're lying to me, you SOB. You played 18 holes instead of nine."

shashichief · 1st Moderator

10 Words That Don't Exist, But Should

1. AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks'trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub tap on and off with your toes.

2. CARPERPETUATION (kar'pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.

3. DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt') v. To sterilize the piece of confection (lollipop or gum) you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow "remove" all the germs.

4. ELBONICS (el bon'iks) n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.

5. FRUST (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room, until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.

6. LACTOMANGULATION (lak' to man gyu lay' shun) n. Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the "illegal" side.

7. PEPPIER (peph ee ay') n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around, asking diners if they want fresh ground pepper.

8. PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you are calling just as he or she answers.

9. PUPKUS (pup'kus) n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.

10. TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay' shun) n. The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're only six inches away.