A lady awoke one morning and discovered her dog was not moving. She called her vet, Dr Santa Singh, who asked her to bring the dog in. After a brief examination, the vet pronounced the dog dead.
'Are you sure?', the distraught woman asked. 'He was a great family pet. Isn't there anything else you can do?'
Dr Santa Singh paused for a moment and said, 'There is one more thing we can do.' He left the room for a moment and came back carrying a large cage with a cat in it. The vet opened the cage door and the cat walked over to the dog. The cat sniffed the dog from head to toe and walked back to the cage.
'Well, that confirms it.' the vet announced. 'Your dog is dead.'
Satisfied that the vet had done everything he possibly could, the woman sighed, 'How much do I owe you?'
'That will be Rs.1100.' the vet replied.
'I don't believe it!!!', screamed the woman. 'What did you do that cost Rs.1100?
'Well', Dr Santa Singh replied, 'it's Rs.100 for the office visit and Rs.1000 for the cat-scan.'
A little boy returning home from his first day at school said to his mother, 'Mom, what's sex?'
His mother, who believed in all the most modern educational theories, gave him a detailed explanation, covering all aspects of the tricky subject.
When she had finished, the little lad produced an enrollment form which he had brought home from school and said, 'Yes, but how am I going to get all that into this one little square?'
One Bengali Babu went to Cannought Place in New Delhi to purchase an umbrella. He had been told in Calcutta that one could bargain for better prices in Delhi also. Bengali Baboo: How much does this umbrella cost?
Shopkeeper: Rs. 200
Bengali Babu: Can I have it for Rs. 100?
Shopkeeper: Ok I'll give it to you for Rs.150.
Bangali Babu: Well can I have it for Rs. 75 then?
Shopkeeper: OK, take it for Rs. 100.
Bangali Babu: Can I have it for Rs. 50?
The shopkeeper is pretty angry now: Why don't you take it for free??!!
All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge.
"I should be in charge," said the brain, "because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen".
"I should be in charge," said the blood, "because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away."
"I should be in charge," said the stomach," because I process food and give all of you energy."
"I should be in charge," said the legs, "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."
"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "because I allow the body to see where it goes."
"I should be in charge," said the rectum, "Because I'm responsible for waste removal."
All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight.
Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood was toxic. They all decided that the rectum should be the boss.
The Moral of the story?
The ass hole is usually in charge !! The real moral is you don't have to be a brain to be the boss just an ass hole!!
A census taker in a rural Indian village went up to a farmhouse and knocked. When a woman came to the door, he asked her how many children she had and their ages.
She said, 'Lets see now, there's the twins, Ballu and Lallu, they're eighteen. And the twins, Seeta and Geeta, they're sixteen. And the twins, Ram and Shyam, they're fourteen.'
'Hold on!' said the census taker, 'Did you get twins every time?'
The woman answered, 'Heck no, there were hundreds of times we didn't get anything!'