Tell funniest jokes ever heard

shashichief · 1st Moderator

RE: Tell funniest jokes ever heard

shashichief · 1st Moderator

A snail was slithering along the street one day when he was attacked by two turtles.Later, the cops asked, "Did you get a good look at the turtles who did this to you?"

"No, it all happened so fast."

shashichief · 1st Moderator

Stevie Wonder meets Tiger Woods and mentions that he, too, is a golfer.

"When I tee off," the blind musician explains, "I have a guy call to me from the green.

My sharp sense of hearing lets me aim."

Tiger's skeptical, but when Stevie suggests that they play a round for $100,000

Tiger readily accepts, giguring it's the easiest 100 grand he'll ever make.

"So when do you want to play?"

Stevie shrugs, "Pick any night."

Pinky · Senior Member

A man complained to his coworker that he didn't know what to get his wife for her birthday. 'She already has everything you could think of, and she can buy herself whatever she likes.'

'Here's an idea,' said the colleague. 'Make up your own gift certificate that says, 'Thirty minutes of great loving, any way you want it.' I guarantee she'll be enchanted.'

The next day, the colleague asked, 'Well? Did you take my suggestion?'

'Yes,' replied the man.

'Did she like it?'

'Oh, yes! She jumped up kissed me on the forehead, and ran out of the door yelling, 'See you in 30 minutes!''

Pinky · Senior Member

Three professors had walked down to the train station from the University. They were so absorbed in their conversation that they didn't hear the train arrive, but they did notice the noise of the train as it started to depart.

After a desperate rush two of them manage to scramble onboard. The third looked sad and a passing railway official said, 'Don't feel bad, atleast two out of three of you made it.'

'True…', sighed the professor, 'But the other two were only here to see me off!'

Pinky · Senior Member

A man, his wife, and their eight children were waiting at a bus stop. Not long after, a blind man joins the group.

The bus arrives. The blind man and the husband are forced to walk because there's just no more room on the bus.

As they walk together, the tapping of the blind man's cane starts to irritate the other man. Finally, the man says, 'You know, that's pretty irritating. Why don't you put a rubber on the end of that stick?'

The blind man retorts: 'If you'd put a rubber on the end of YOUR stick, we'd both be on that bus.'