Tell funniest jokes ever heard

shashichief · 1st Moderator

RE: Tell funniest jokes ever heard

shashichief · 1st Moderator

There is a classroom of some small children (5-7yrs).

Obviously there was one ordinary boy (Bablu) and a smart one

(Pappu).The dialogue between the two and the lady teacher goes something
like this:

Bablu: "Teacher, teacher! Is Bus male or female?

Teacher: Thinking.......

Pappu: "Teacher, teacher! It is female"

Bablu: "Kyun?"

Pappu: "Kyun ki sab log uspe charhte hain."

Teacher is pareshan. While Bablu gets doubt.

Bablu: "Agar bus female hai aur sab us pe charhte hain to uske bacche
kyon nahin hote?"

Teacher is more pareshan.

Pappu: "Kyun ki sab us par peeche se charhte hain."

Teacher is now hiding her face. Bablu gets another doubt.

Bablu: "Maana sabhi peeche se charhte hain, but driver aur conductor to
aagay se charhte hain. Phir bachche kyon nahin hote?"

Teacher is sweating as it is getting too much to handle.

Pappu replies: "Kyun ki woh dono topi pehan ke charhte hain."

Teacher faints !!!!!!!

shashichief · 1st Moderator

Supernatural

There was this case in the hospital's Intensive care ward where patients always died in the same bed and on Sunday morning at 11 A.M., regardless of their medical condition. This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had something to do with the supernatural. No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths took place at 11 AM.

A worldwide expert team was constituted and they decided to go down to the ward to investigate the cause of the incidents. So on the next Sunday morning few minutes before 11 A.M., all doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about.

Some were holding prayer books and other holy objects to ward off evil.

Just when the clock struck 11 Santa, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system & plugged in the vacuum cleaner:

The Right Step

Two drunk, Santa and Banta, were walking along a dirt road one day when they came upon a pile of some brown stuff on the ground.

"Is that ****, Banta?" Santa said.

"I don't really know." Responded Banta as he bent over, "it smells like ****."

Santa leaned in and dipped his finger into the mysterious pile. "It feels like ****!"

Banta too dipped his finger into the mysterious pile and without hesitation shoved the finger in his mouth. "Sure tastes like ****, buddy! I think it's definitely ****."

"Hooooeee!" Responded Santa, "Good thing we didn’t step in it!"

Santa in ICU

A man was brought in to the hospital intensive care ward, put in a bed, tubes coming out everywhere. A week later, another man was admitted, in a similar condition.

Both lay there, machines pinging, tubes poking etc. a couple more weeks before one of them had the strength to raise his hand and point to himself and say, "Bengali."

The other patient signaled he had heard, raised his own hand, and said, "Punjabi."

This act tired them out so badly it was a week before the first summoned up the strength to say, "Calcutta."

Other replied in a weedy frail voice, "Ludhiana."

Once more, the strain was too much for them both and they passed out. Days passed before the first patient managed to again point to himself and say, "Asit."

Replied the other, "Santa."

A few hours later, Asit managed to point to himself again and rasp out weakly, "Cancer."

Santa responded, "Sagittarius."

shashichief · 1st Moderator

Darwin Award Winners:

1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot
did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.....

And now, the honorable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his
insurance company. The company expecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago return ed with his Vehicle to find a woman
had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting
from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone
waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable
and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and a sked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer,
the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and
fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer...$15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you
money, is a crime committed?)

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the
woman was able to g ive them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and
demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast . The man, frustrated, walked away.

A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER!

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

In the interest of bettering human kind please share these with your friends and family ... unless of course one of these 10 individuals by
chance is a distant relative or long lost friend. In that case be glad they are distant and hope they remain lost.

shashichief · 1st Moderator

There was a man who had worked all of his life, had
saved all of his Money and was a real miser when it
came to his money.

Just before he died, he said to his wife, "When I die,
I want you to Take all my money and put it in the
casket with me. I want to take my money to the
afterlife with me."

And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her
heart that when he died, she would put all of the
money in the casket with him.

Well, he died.

He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was
sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting to
her. When they finished the ceremony, just before the
undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife
said, "Wait a minute!" She had a box with her, she
came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then
the undertakers locked the casket down, and they
rolled it away.

So her friend said, "Girl, I know you weren't fool
enough to put all that money in there with your
husband."

The loyal wife replied, "Listen, I'm a Christian, I
can't go back on my word. I promised him that I was
going to put that money in that casket with him."

"You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket
with him!!!!?"

"I sure did" said the wife. "I got it all together,
put it into my account and wrote him a cheque. If he
can cash it, he can spend it!!!"

shashichief · 1st Moderator

A female computer consultant was helping a smug male set up his computer and asked him what word he would like to use as a password to log in with.

Wanting to embarrass the female he told her to enter, "Penis." Without blinking or saying a word, she entered the password. She then almost died laughing at the computer's response:

***Password Rejected. Not Long Enough***