Tell funniest jokes ever heard

Pinky · Senior Member

RE: Tell funniest jokes ever heard

Pinky · Senior Member

The Indian & The Porsche

An Indian parks his brand new Porsche in front of the office
to show it off to his colleagues.

As he's getting out of the car, a truck comes speeding along
too close to the kerb and takes off the door before speeding off.
More than a little distraught, the Indian grabs his mobile and
calls the police.

Five minutes later, the police arrive. Before the policeman has
a chance to ask any questions, the Indian starts screaming hysterically:
"My Porsche, my beautiful black Porsche is ruined. No matter how long
at the panel beaters it'll simply never be the same again!"

After the Indian finally finishes his rant, the policeman shakes his
head in disgust: "I can't believe how materialistic you bloody Indians
are," he says. "You lot are so focused on your possessions that you
don't notice anything else in your life."

"How can you say such a thing at a time like this?", snaps the Indian.

The policeman replies, "Didn't you realise that your right arm was torn
off when the truck hit you."

The Indian looks down in absolute horror "F***ING HELL!!!!!!"
he screams........ "Where's my Rolex ????..."

Pinky · Senior Member

Laloo Jokes

* What do they call French Toilet in Bihar ?
La loo

* Once Laloo was coming out of Airport. As there was huge rush the
security guard told Laloo "WAIT SIR" for which Laloo replied "65Kgs"
and moved on...

*   Once Laloo wanted to know the time difference between Bihar and Las
    Vegas. So he called up the Tourist department and asked them "Ji could
    you tell me the time difference between Patna and Las Begas...".
   The man at the other end replies "One second sir..." and Laloo
     immediately replies "thank you" and puts the phone down.

Pinky · Senior Member

If Bill Gates marries Madhuri Dixit;
these could be the caption in Newspapers:

* Bill goes Dhak-Dhak!
* English Babu Desi Mem.
* Brain marries Beauty!?
* Windows ke peechhe kya hai? Windows ke peechhe....!?
Ooo Windows mein Bill hai mera...
* The next version of Windows will be "Windows MD."
* Microsoft Mouse V/S Madhuri - the cat.
* Relax guys! they'll only go for a virtual honeymoon.
* Bill to count his millions & billions in EK, DO, TEEN..
* Gate for Bill, Windows for M.F.Hussain
* Mera Bill ghar aaya O Hussainji, Mera...
* Mera bill bhee kitna pagal hai...
* Bill Will, Gates Wates... Main kya jaanu re... !

shashichief · 1st Moderator

GRREEAAT Pinky....much appreciated....it feels good to get some laughter, I got tired of laughing at my own jokes...lol.

shashichief · 1st Moderator

In the world of romance, one single rule applies to the men:

Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get Brownie
points.

Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.

You don't get any points for doing something she expects.

Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the point system:

SIMPLE DUTIES

You make the bed (+1)

You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)

You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)

You go out to buy her what she wants (+5)

In the rain (+8)

But return with Beer (-5)

You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)

You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)

You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)

You pummel it with iron rod (+10)

It's her pet (- 50)

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS

You stay by her side the entire party (0)

You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college
buddy
(-2)

Named Tina (-4)

Tina who is a dancer (-6)

Tina who has silicon implants (-80)

HER BIRTHDAY

You take her out to dinner (0)

You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)

Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)

And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3) It's a sports bar, it's
all-you-can-eat
night, and your face is painted the colours of your favourite team
(-10)

A NIGHT OUT

You take her to a movie (+2)

You take her to a movie she likes (+4)

You take her to a movie you hate (+6)

You take her to a movie you like (-2)

It's called 'DeathCop' (-3)

You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

YOUR PHYSIQUE

You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)

You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)

You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy
Hawaiian shirts (-30)

You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-8000)

ENJOY THE 'BIG' QUESTION

She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) [Yes, you LOSE points no matter WHAT]

You hesitate in responding (-10)

You reply, "Where?" (-35)

Any other response (-20)

COMMUNICATION

When she wants to talk about a problem , you listen, displaying

what looks like a concerned expression (0)

You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)

You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)

She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-10000)

Now what chance do you have