Tell funniest jokes ever heard

shashichief · 1st Moderator

RE: Tell funniest jokes ever heard

shashichief · 1st Moderator

Doctor:" Did you take my advice about your insomnia and count sheep before going to sleep?"
Patient: "Yes, I got as far as 24,534 and then it was time to get up"

Four small children scurried roundthe woman standing inside the front door, her arms full of coats. her husband asked why she was standimg there.
"Here", she said, handing him thecoats. "This time you put the kids into their coats and i'll go outside to thecar and blow the horn."

"I'm fed upwith your jealousy", a wife tells her husband. Do you think I don't realise you're having me followed by a private detective who's tall, blond, has green eyes and is very nice, though a little shy at first?"

RJ_Sonia · Administrator

Some critics about marriage and love.

Love is holding hands in the street
Marriage is holding arguments in the street

Love is dinner for 2 in your favourite restaurant
Marriage is a Chinese take-out

Love is cuddling on a sofa
Marriage is deciding on a sofa

Love is talking about having children
Marriage is talking about getting away from children

Love is going to bed early
Marriage is going to sleep early

Love is a romantic drive
Marriage is a tarmac drive

Love is losing your appetite
Marriage is losing your figure

Love is sweet nothing in the ear
Marriage is sweet nothing in the bank

Love is a flickering flame
Marriage is a flickering television

Love is 1 drink and 2 straws
Marriage is "Don't you think you've had enough!"

In short, love is blind, marriage is an eye opener.

shashichief · 1st Moderator

Husband shopping centre!!!

Recently a "Husband Shopping Center" opened in Dallas, where women could go to choose a husband from among many men.

It was laid out in five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended.

The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD to choose a man from that floor; If you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave the place, never to return.

A couple of girlfriends went to the shopping center to find some husbands...

First Floor

The door had a sign saying, "These men have jobs and love kids." The women read the sign and said, "Well, that's better than not having a job, or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?" So up they went.

Second Floor

The sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking." Hmmm, said the ladies. But, I wonder what's further up?

Third Floor

This sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework." Wow! Said the women. Very tempting, BUT, there's more further up! And up they went.

Fourth Floor

This door had a sign saying "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak." Oh, mercy me. But just think! What must be awaiting us further on! So up to the fifth floor they went.

Fifth Floor

The sign on that door said, "This floor is empty and exists only to prove that women are impossible to please. Goodbye HUSBAND SHOPPING CENTER!!"

shashichief · 1st Moderator

IMPORTANCE OF CORRECT EMAIL ID

A man checked into a hotel, with a computer in his room. So he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally typed wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.

Meanwhile.....somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw
the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Reached
Date: 30 May 2004

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just reached and have been checked in.

I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

Your dearest hubby

shashichief · 1st Moderator

A GOOD HUSBAND

Once a man was waiting for a taxi. A beggar came along
and asked him for some money. The man ignored him. But being a professional, the beggar kept on pestering him.

The man became irritated when he realized that the beggar would not leave him alone unless he parts with some money.

Suddenly an idea struck him.He told the beggar, "I do
not have money, But if you tell me what you want to do with the
money, I will certainly help you." "I would have bought a cup of
tea", replied the beggar.

The man said, "Sorry man. I can offer you a cigarette instead of tea". He then took a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and offered one to the beggar. The beggar told, "I don't smoke as it is injurious to health."

The man smiled and took a bottle of whisky from his pocket and told the beggar, "Here, take this bottle and enjoy the stuff. It is Really good".

The beggar refused by saying, "Alcohol muddles the brain and damages the
liver".

The man smiled again. He told the beggar, "I am going to the race course.

Come with me and I will arrange for some tickets and we will place bets. If we win, you take the whole amount and leave me alone".

As before, the beggar politely refused the latest offer by saying,
"Sorry sir, I can't come with you as betting on horses is a bad habit."

Suddenly the man felt relieved and asked the beggar to come to his home with him. Finally, the beggar's face lit up in anticipation of receiving at least something from the man. But he still had his doubts and asked the man, "Why do you want me to go to your house with you".

The man replied, "My wife always wanted to see how a man with no Bad habits looks like."