Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade next when his telephone rang. "Hallo, Mr. Hussein!" a heavily accented voice said, "This is Gurmukh from Phagwara, District Kapurthala. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring the war on you!"

"Well, Gurmukh," Saddam replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army" "Right now," said Gurmukh, after a moment's calculation, "there is myself, my cousin Sukhdev, my next door neighbour Bhagat, and the entire kabaddi team from the gurudwara. That makes eight" Saddam paused. "I must tell you, Gurmukh that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command." "Arrey O! Main kya.. " said Gurmukh. "I'll have to ring you back!"

Sure enough, the next day, Gurmukh called again. "Mr. Hussein, it is Gurmukh, I'm call ing from Phagwara STD, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!" "And what equipment would that be, Gurmukh" Saddam asked. "Well, we have two combines, a donkey and Amrik's tractor." Saddam sighed. "I must tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armoured personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to 1-1/2 million since we last spoke." "Oh teri ....." said Gurmukh. "I'll have to get back to you."

Sure enough, Gurmukh rang again the next day. "Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne...... We've modified Amrik's tractor by adding a couple of shotguns, sticking on some wings and the pind's generator. Four school pass boys from Malpur have joined us as well!" Saddam was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surro unded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!" "Tera pala hove...." said Gurmuk, "I'll have to ring you back."

Sure enough, Gurmukh called again the next day. "Kiddan, Mr. Hussein! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war." "I'm sorry to hear that," said Saddam. "Why the sudden change of heart" "Well," said Gurmukh, "we've all had a long chat over a couple of lassi's, and decided there's no way we can feed two million prisoners of wars!"

Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

Law of the Workshop
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of the Telephone
When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.

Law of the Alibi
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.

Variation Law
If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

Bath Theorem
When the body is immersed in water , the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Law of the Result
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work,it will.

Law of Biomechanics
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Theatre Rule
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

Law of Coffee
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.



Pearls of Wisdom :

Regular naps prevent old age...specially if you take them while driving.

Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the wife!

I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile.I tried-but they wanted cash

A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms.

Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.

Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without... but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.

You can't buy love . . . but you pay heavily for it

True friends stab you in the front

Forgiveness is giving up my right to hate you for hurting me.

Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.

Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired

My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.

Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.

Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.

It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.

Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books.

Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something.

They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.