Tell funniest jokes ever heard

RJ_Sonia · Administrator

RE: Tell funniest jokes ever heard

shashichief · 1st Moderator

LET WORK BE YOUR SALVATION:

When Joe's wife ran away, he got so depressed that his doctor sent him to see a psychiatrist. Joe told the psychiatrist his troubles and said, "Life isn't worth living."

"Don't be stupid, Joe," said the psychiatrist. "Let work be your salvation. I want you to totally submerge yourself in your work. Now, what do you do for a living?"

"I clean out septic tanks," Joe replied.

kamkhems · Guru

Four friends reunited at a party after 30 years.

After a few laughs and drinks, one of them had to go to the rest room. The ones who stayed behind began to talk about their kids and their successes.

The first guy says: I am very proud of my son, he is my pride and joy. He started working at a very successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration soon he was promoted and began to climb the corporate ladder becoming the General Manager and now he is the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes Benz for his birthday.

The second guy says: Damn, that's terrific!! My son is also my pride and joy, I am very proud of him. He started working at a travelling agency for a very big airline. He went to flight school to become a pilot and also managed to become a partner in the company where he now owns the majority of the assets. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday.

The third guy says: Well, well, well congratulations!! My son is also my pride and joy and he is also very rich. He studied in the best universities and became an Engineer. He started his own construction company and became very successful and a multimillionaire. He also gave away some thing very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday. He built a 30,000 sq ft mansion specially for his friend.

The three friends congratulated each other mutually for the successes of their sons.

The fourth friend who earlier had gone to restroom returned and asked: What's going on, what are all the congratulations for?

One of the three said: We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. And then he asked, What about your son?

The fourth man replied: My son is Gay and he makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub.

The three friends said: What a shame that must be, that is horrible, what a disappointment you must feel.

The fourth man replied: No, I am not ashamed. Not at all. He is my son and I love him just as well, he is my pride and joy. And he is very lucky too. Did you know that his birthday just passed and the other day he received a beautiful 30,000 sq ft mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes Benz from his three boyfriends.

shashichief · 1st Moderator

>Lawyer vs. Blonde
>
>A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from Los
>Angeles to New York. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game.
>The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and
>rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and
>explains
>that the game is easy and a lot of fun.
>
>He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay
>me five dollars, and vice versa."
>
>Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.
>
>The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you
>pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."
>
>This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to
>this torment, agrees to the game.
>
>The lawyer asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to
>the moon?"
>
>The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00
>bill, and hands it to the lawyer.
>
>"Okay," says the lawyer, "your turn."
>
>She asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four
>legs?"
>
>The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his
>references ... no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and
>searches the Internet and the Library of Congress ... no answer.
>Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers but to no
>avail.
>
>After an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500.
>
>The blonde thanks him and turns back to get some more sleep.
>
>The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, stirs the blonde and asks,
>"Well, what's the answer?"
>
>Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5,
>and goes back to sleep.
>
>And you thought blondes were dumb.

shashichief · 1st Moderator

COLD WATER:

A man went to visit his 90-year-old grandfather in a very secluded rural area of the state he lived in.

After spending the night, his grandfather prepared breakfast for him consisting of bacon and eggs. He noticed a film-like substance on his plate, so he asked his grandfather, "Are these plates clean?"

His grandfather replied, "Those plates are as clean as cold water can get them, so go on and finish your meal."

That afternoon, while eating the hamburgers his grandfather made for lunch, he noticed tiny specks around the edge of his plate and a substance that looked like dried egg yolks, so he asked again, "Are you sure these plates are clean?"

Without looking up from his hamburger, the grandfather said, "I told you before; those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them. Now don't ask me about it anymore!"

Later that afternoon, he was on his way out to get dinner in a nearby town. As he was leaving, his grandfather's dog started to growl and wouldn't let him pass, so he said, "Grandfather, your dog won't let me out."

Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching on TV, his grandfather shouted, "Cold Water, go lay down!"

shashichief · 1st Moderator

A COUNTRY WAR:

A Tennessee man and an Alabama man were fighting in a war, and both were caught by the enemy.

"Before I put you to death," said the enemy, "do you have any last requests?"

The Alabama man said, "Could you shoot me after you play the song 'Yeah, Alabama?'"

"Sure," the man agreed. "How about you?"

The Tennessee man said, "Could you shoot me before you play 'Yeah, Alabama?'"