Tell funniest jokes ever heard

RJ_Sonia · Administrator

RE: Tell funniest jokes ever heard

shashichief · 1st Moderator

quote:
Originally posted by: RJ_Sonia
"Thats more of stupid than funny...lol "

I guess a gals sense of humor is different than a guys....lol

shashichief · 1st Moderator

HUBBY HOMING DEVICE:

Wife #1: Hey, Lynn, tell me this. How did you get your husband from staying out late?

Wife #2: Well, every time he would come home, I would simply say, 'Mike, is that you?'

Wife #1: But I still don't understand. How did that keep him from staying out?

Wife #2: My husband's name is Andrew.

shashichief · 1st Moderator

> An elderly Italian man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the
agonies
> of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite
Italian
> anisette sprinkle cookies wafting up the stairs. Gathering his
remaining
> strength, he lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall,
he
> slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort,
> gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs.
>
> With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into
the
> kitchen. Where if not for death's agony, he would have thought
himself
> already in heaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper on the
kitchen
> table were literally hundreds of his favorite anisette sprinkled
cookies.
>
> Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his
devoted
> Italian wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a
happy
> man?
>
> Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table,
> landing on his knees in a crumpled posture. His parched lips parted,
the
> wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth, seemingly
bringing
> him back to life.
>
> The aged and withered hand trembled on its way to a cookie at the
edge of
> the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his
> wife....."Back off!" she said, they're for the funeral."

shashichief · 1st Moderator

The Perfect Employee?

1 Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
2 hard at work at his desk. He works independently, without
3 wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
4 thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and always
5 finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended
6 measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
7 breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
8 vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
9 knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
10 classed as an asset employee, the type which cannot be
11 dispensed with. Consequently, I recommend that Bob be
12 promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
13 executed as soon as possible.

Addendum:

That idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote the report sent to
you earlier today. Kindly re-read only the odd numbered lines.

shashichief · 1st Moderator

WIFE HUMOR :

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks,
interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists...2 men and a
woman.

For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal
door and handed him a gun.

"We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the
circumstances.

Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. "Kill
her!!!"

The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife."

The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your
wife and go home."

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went
into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes.

Then the man came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can't kill
my wife."

The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go
home."

Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions to
kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were
heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging
on the walls.

After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there
stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow "This gun is loaded
with blanks", she said. "I had to beat him to death with the chair."