Tell funniest jokes ever heard

shashichief · 1st Moderator

RE: Tell funniest jokes ever heard

shashichief · 1st Moderator

Little Johnny- The Dot:

The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time.

She was reluctant to call on little Johnny, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude. But, eventually, his turn came....

Little Johnny walked up to the front of the class and, with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. Well, the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnny had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was.

"It's a period," reported Johnny.

"Well, I can see that," she said, "but what's so exciting about a period?"

"Damned if I know", said Johnny, "but, this morning, my sister said she missed one. Then Dad had a heart attack, Mom feinted, and the man next door shot himself!"

shashichief · 1st Moderator

The Ages Of Woman And Man, Geographically:

Between the ages of 15 to 18, a woman is like China or Iran. Developing at a sizzling rate with a lot of potential, but as yet still not free or open.

Between the ages of 19 to 21, a woman is like Africa or Australia. She is half-discovered, half-wild and naturally beautiful, with bush land around the fertile deltas.

Between the ages of 22 to 30, a woman is like America or Japan. Completely discovered, very well-developed and open to trade, especially with countries with cash or cars.

Between the ages of 31 to 35, a woman is like India or Spain. Very hot, relaxed and convinced of its own beauty.

Between the ages of 36 to 40, a woman is like France or Argentina. She may have been half-destroyed during the war but can still be a warm and desirable place to visit.

Between the ages of 41 to 50, a woman is like Yugoslavia or Iraq. She lost the war and is haunted by past mistakes. Massive reconstruction is now necessary.

Between the ages of 51 to 60, a woman is like Russia or Canada. Very wide, quiet and the borders are practically un-patrolled, but the frigid climate keeps people away.

Between the ages of 61 to 70, a woman is like England or Mongolia. With a glorious and all-conquering past, but alas, no future.

After 71, they become Albania or Afghanistan. Everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there.

The Geography Of A Man:

Between the ages of 15 to 70, a man is like Germany. A strange landscape but filled with beer and thoughts of dodgy porno movies.

Pinky · Senior Member

WORDS WOMEN USE:

FINE: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

FIVE MINUTES: If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

NOTHING: This is the calm before the storm. This means "something," and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with 'Nothing' usually end in "Fine"

GO AHEAD: This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.

LOUD SIGH: This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"

THAT'S OKAY: This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

THANKS: A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say you're welcome.

shashichief · 1st Moderator

Very good Pinky...keep it up...lol.

Pinky · Senior Member

People who do lots of work...
      make lots of mistakes

            People who do less work...
   make less mistakes

        People who do no work...
make no mistakes

               People who make no mistakes...
gets promoted

         That's why I spend most of my time
          sending e-mails & playing games at work.

I need a promotion.

PS: Those who have implemented this have become "MANAGERS"

Regards,

Pinky.