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shashichief


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Little Tommy


A stranger was seated next to little Tommy on a plane, when the stranger turned to Tommy and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."


Little Tommy, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to the stranger, "What would you like to discuss?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "How about politics? Should we keep Bush or elect Kerry?"

"Okay," said Little Tommy. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow and a deer all eat grass. The same stuff! Yet, a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"



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shashichief


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Cont.


"Jeez," said the stranger. "I have no idea."

"Well then," said Little Tommy, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss who should run the country when you don't know crap?"



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shashichief


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Cajun Coaches:


The high school coaches in Terrebonne Parish, Louisiana went to a coaches' retreat. To save money, they had to room together. No one wanted to room with Coach Boudreaux because he snores so badly. The coaches decided that it wouldn't be fair to make one of them to stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.


Coach Fontenot slept with him and he came to breakfast the next morning, hair a mess, eyes all bloodshot. The coaches asked, "Man, what happened to you?"

He said, "Man, that Boudreaux snores so loud, I couldn't sleep all night."

The next night, it was coach Guidry's turn. In the morning, the same thing happened -- his hair was all messed up and his eyes were all bloodshot. The other coaches asked, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful!" He said, "Man, no, that Boudreaux shook the roof. I couldn't sleep all night."

The third night, it was coach Breaux's turn. The following morning he came to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "Good morning, y'all!"

They couldn't believe it. They asked him, "Man, what happened?"

He said, "Well, we were getting ready for bed, so I went and tucked Boudreaux into bed and kissed him goodnight. He ended up watching me all night long."



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shashichief


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> >An Englishman, an Aussie and a South African are in a bar one night,


> >having a beer. All of a sudden the South African downs his beer, throws


> >his glass in the air, pulls out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces and


> >says:


> >"In Sath Efrika our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink


> >from the same one twice." The Aussie, obviously impressed by this,


> >drinks his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and


> >shoots the glass to pieces and


> >says:


> >"Well mate, in 'Straaaaailia we have so much sand to make the glasses


> >that we don't need to drink out of the same glass twice either. The


> >Englishman, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer and drinks it, throws


> >his glass into the air, pulls out his gun, shoots the South African and


> >the Australian and then says: "In London we have so many ****ing South


> >Africans and Australians that we don't need to drink with the same ones


> >twice.



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shashichief


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How To Identify Where The Driver Is From:


  • One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: Chicago.
  • One hand on wheel, one finger out window: New York.
  • One hand on wheel, one finger and head out window, cursing, cutting across all lanes of traffic: Philly.
  • One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator: Boston.
  • One hand on wheel, one hand on non-fat double decaf cappuccino, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator, with gun in lap: L.A.
  • Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, and both feet on brake, quivering in terror: Ohio, but driving in California.
  • Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in backseat: Italy.
  • One hand on latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on game: Seattle.
  • One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both feet being on accelerator and both feet on brake, throwing a McDonald's bag out the window: Texas.
  • Four-wheel drive pick-up truck, shotgun mounted in rear window, beer cans on floor, squirrel tails attached to antenna: West Virginia.
  • Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair barely visible above window level, driving 35 on the Interstate in the left lane with left blinker on: Florida.
  • One hand on wheel, the other holding a cell phone, driving 130 mph and four feet from your bumper, late for happy hour, while flashing headlights to tell you to get the hell out of the way: Washington, D.C., Beltway.


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    shashichief


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    MasterCard For Men:


    Cover charge: $15
    Round of drinks: $23
    Table dance: $30
    Another round of drinks: $23
    Couch dance and tips: $50
    A round of shots: $34
    Private dance in your hotel room: $300
    Sending her on her way and never having to hear her complain: Priceless.


    There are some things money can't buy. For everything else, there's MasterCard.



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