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shashichief


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  Wilson Nails


The owner of the Wilson Nails factory calls up his ad agency and tells them to make a commercial showing off his nails. The ad exec says "no problem," and that the commercial will air that night at 8 p.m.


So Mr. Wilson turns on his TV at 8 p.m. and his commercial starts. It looks like this: Two Romans come out carrying spears and walk up to a cross with Jesus hanging on it. The camera focus on his hands and the head of the nail, which clearly has "Wilson" written on it.

Mr. Wilson goes completely crazy, calls up his ad exec and tells him to get rid of that commercial before the Catholic Church sues him. The ad exec says okay, and that he will make another commercial the following night at 8 p.m.

At 8 p.m. the next day, Mr. Wilson turns on the tube and his commercial starts. This time, two Romans come out carrying spears and approach the cross, but Jesus is not on it -- we can see him running away in the background. One Roman guard says to the other, "I told you we should have used Wilson Nails.")



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shashichief


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  Backseat Cook


A wife was making fried eggs for her husband for breakfast. Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen.


"Careful... Careful!!! Put in some more butter! Oh my God! You're cooking too many at once. Too many! Turn them! Turn them now! We need more butter. Oh my God! Where are we going to get more butter? They're going to stick! Careful... Careful!!! I said be careful! You never listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you crazy? Have you lost your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. Use the salt! The salt!"

The wife stared at him and asked, "What the hell is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving with you in the car."



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shashichief


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Birthday Gift


Two guys were talking at the office.


"I've got a problem," said the first one.

"What is it?"

"My wife has done it to me again. I'm supposed to buy my mother-in-law a present for her birthday, from the two of us. And I am fresh out of ideas. I mean it's her mother, why can't she buy it?"

"What did you buy her last year?" the other one asked.

"Last year I bought her a very expensive cemetery plot."

"Hmm, it'll be hard to top that one," said the other.

The two guys couldn't come up with anything, so the son-in-law didn't buy his mother-in-law anything for her birthday.

When the big day arrived the next weekend, the mother-in-law was a bit upset. At the family gathering for her birthday, she announced out loud to everyone, "Thank you all for the wonderful gifts. Too bad my daughter and son-in-law weren't so thoughtful!"

Thinking quickly, the son-in-law responded, "Well, you haven't used the gift I gave you last year!"



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shashichief


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Subject: A jar of....



An 85-year-old Sardarji  went to his doctor's surgery to get a sperm count.
The doctor gave the him a jar and said,
"Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."


The next day the geriatric Sardarji reappeared at the doctor's surgery and gave
him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and Sardarji explained:


                                           



"Well, doc, it's like this - First I tried with my right hand, but nothing.
Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.

Then I asked my bewi for help. She tried with her right hand,
then her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth,
first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, and still nothing.



We even called up Rasida, the lady next door and she tried too,
first with both hands, then an armpit and she even tried
squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."

The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbour?" 

Sardarji replied, "Yep. And no matter what we tried,
we still couldn't get the jar open."

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shashichief


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Do you guys like any of these jokes?.....If you do please confirm it and if I don't see any response than I will assume you guys don't like them ....thus I will stop posting them...

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shashichief


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Blonde Joke


Dear Diary,
> Last year I replaced all the windows in my house
> with those expensive double-pane energy efficient
> kind. This week I got a call from the contractor,
> complaining his work had been completed a year ago
> and I had yet to pay for them. Boy oh boy, did we go
> around and around! Just because I'm a blonde does
> not mean I'm automatically stupid. So I proceeded to
> tell him just what his fast-talking sales guy had
> told me last year - "that in one year, the windows
> would pay for themselves". There was silence on the
> other end of the line, so I just hung up. I have not
> heard anything back. Guess I won that stupid
> argument



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